9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Amends:
Amends are taking responsibility for harms done.
Again, we make amends about our behavior.
We must not cause more harm to the person harmed or others who are connected to that person. We must be very careful how we make amends. We need skillful guidance from a trusted person and from God.
Living amends is doing it differently with the person we have harmed: children, spouse, parents, co-workers, and others. When we are unable to speak directly or if it would be inappropriate to do in person.
Acts of service are also ways to make amends. Such as supporting organizations that help others: Salvation Army, Teen Challenge, sex trafficking etc.
May not be able to find the person harmed, may not be living, maybe ever knew their name, but whenever possible make direct amends.
Practice how and what to say and when with sponsor. Write it out as a script if need to keep focused.
Asking God to bring healing to the one we harmed and trusting that He can and will because that is the nature of His Love.
Then let go, don’t allow our critical selves, someone else or the enemy to condemn us.
Repent, ask, and receive forgiveness.
Some people cannot forgive us, so we need to move on anyway accepting God’s forgiveness.
Somethings ought not to be shared, better left for God to do. If revealing an incident(s) would cause harm, then we are not to share.
What fears keep us of taking this step?
Let God handle the outcome, just do our part.
Make restitution:
- Pay money back
- Replace what was damaged or stolen.
Avoid saying “I’m sorry”. This phrase is so overused that it has lost its meaning. Instead be more specific, for example:
- “I was wrong when I did….”
- “I made a mistake and I apologize.”
A complete amends is direct and humble.
And how do we make amends to ourselves? Very important to do.
“I think if God forgives us, we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him.”
C.S. Lewis.
Sound familiar? Who is the “Power Greater Than”? Our ego, or …….?
Choices…
“Forgiveness is a way of life that gradually transforms us from being helpless victims of our circumstances to being powerful and loving co-creators of our reality.”
Roman Casarjian.
“If I do not forgive everyone, I shall be untrue to myself.”
Albert Schweitzer
Maturity is humility. It is being big enough to say, “I was wrong.”
Winston Churchill delightfully shared, “Eating words has never given me indigestion.” Sounds like our Ninth Step!
From the Good Book:
“So, if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
Matthew 5:23-24
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”
1 Peter 5:6
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interest, but also to the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:3-4
Proverbs 12:18
“Thoughtless words can sound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal.”
“Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Romans 12:17