For all of us in recovery, from whatever, there comes a time when we have to heal from our broken attachment wounds. None of us grew up in a healthy, nurturing home environment. We are all damaged by our parents or caregivers’ brokenness to some degree. Our broken attachments are not our fault. We have experienced attachment trauma.
God designed us to have ourselves in ourselves, not to understand ourselves as others believe they understand us. An internal not an external understanding. Internal locus of control, not external.
When we have an external understanding of ourselves, we are continually seeking to learn how we are to be as we believe others expect us to behave.
That person is now in charge of our life, is our higher power. We need help.
Also, if we are in a relationship with an addict, we are pulled to fix. That is also a drive from broken attachment. Healthy attachment relationships are clear that the other person’s addiction is theirs to fix. Not our job.
We must give that person back to that person, what Al-Anon calls detaching. We must set boundaries and limits. In detaching, we can begin to learn what we want, need or don’t want or need. We begin to discover us! All Anon-ers must learn this.
Not easy to do, need some help.
A simple action can be of great help to practice detaching:
- Take a small lunch sized sack
- Put the person’s name on it that you are detaching from.
- Then get a stack of small paper.
- Write the name of the person on the paper.
- Put the paper in the person’s sack and say: “_________(the person’s name) I am giving you back to you in God’s name.”
Do this as often as you need to until you find yourself free. The discard the sack!
Choices…
