The day was windy, dark with rain spitting along the sidewalk. My mood matched the elements. I wanted to spit on the sidewalk too. The usual monkey committee was in session in my head proclaiming urgency about matters that were not my responsibility nor did I have any power to do anything about anyway. But that did not shut them down. I was grumpy, restless and dare I say discontented, just like the Big Book warns. I wanted to spend time with Jesus.
Penny matched the day also, tail in the air, head up, ears moving, head following some smell or other. Her nose twitched especially with a gust of wind or a rain spit. She would look up at me as we moved along, perhaps sensing my eagerness to be inside.
Once inside, we moved along toward the Pond. There was nobody there to greet us which caused me some concern, Penny, off the leash now, moved back and forth along the path, jumping into the underbrush beside us, sniffing and chirping a quick bark. As she explored, her movements sped up until finally she was out of sight around the bend. I was alone and I didn’t like it.
The sounds of the storm outside quieted some, but not inside me. The calming air had no effect on me. I was miserable. “He better be there”, I thought, sort of aware that he would know. How hard it is for me to be direct and just say out loud, “I Need YOU!”
I realized I could not hear the sounds of the frogs. But Penny gave her happy bark, and I saw him sitting in our usual spot leaning against the stone wall. Penny was running from the edge of the Pond to hop in his lap. Tail wagging, ears alert, she was one happy dog. I sometimes think I can see her smile.
I sat down next to him, looked up and said “I’m a mess inside.”
“I know and yet you came.”
“I wanted to be here and to be with you. I was not making any headway over the mental monkeys.”
“Sit back, breath in the air and rest with me.”
I did as he said, but it was not doing any good. Not even watching Penny chase the frogs helped. I couldn’t bring myself to lean against him like I always did. I wanted to get up and leave. Where I would go I had no clue, but I was ashamed. I teared up, “I need your help, please.”
I was looking down at the grass on my left when I noticed the grass was moving. I focused and saw a tiny grey mouse struggling towards me in the grass. It was so tiny that each blade presented a challenge. But she didn’t stop. Why I thought it was a she, I am not sure but she was a very pale grey, a soft grey with no hard blue in it. Her ears were lined with pink, and her feet and the end of her tail were pink. So maybe that is why I thought she was a she.
She kept at it, and I began to silently cheer her on. She reached my thigh, bumped, and sat down hard. Looking around, she got up on her back legs—not that it did any good—and then tried to claw her way up my pant leg. I thought, she needs help, so with just two fingers I lifted her up on my lap. She was so very small. She paused, breathing hard and then began to scamper over my lap towards Jesus.
I suddenly realized that the sounds from outside were gone, the air was soothing my breathing and best of all, the committee had adjourned. I took a quick peak at Jesus, who was watching our little friend struggle towards him. He had that gentle, half smile on his face that I had come to love. My shoulders dropped, my breathing slowed and deepened, I was safe.
Little Mouse kept going. She reminded me of another mouse named Limpid, but that is another story. She was now climbing up his tunic, being made of rough cotton, she had claw holds. Half way up his chest she found a deep fold. Investigating, she moved inside, took two turns, curled up and with a deep breath she went to sleep. Success.
I looked up and we were both smiling with delight. Penny on his right had her head on his lap and had been watching quietly. I was proud of her that she knew to be still and silent. From the trees Aslan and Buddy Bear quietly moved in and settled in around Penny. They both looked at Little Mouse and then to Jesus. “Peace”, as tears slid down my cheeks. “You answered me. Thanks”.
Jesus reached his arm around me, pulled me close, “rest, child.”
I put my head on his shoulder and did just that. The mess inside was gone, replaced by his peace. Everything was as it should be. A little mouse. Hum….
Sometime later, don’t know how long, I woke to Penny on her feet staring off into the grass on my left. Jesus, Aslan, Bear were alert too. I looked but could not see or hear anything. No surprise there. Then the grass moved and a large almost all grey mouse was pushing through the grass towards me. It would stand up to look around and I could see that her breasts were swollen, that she was nursing. Mom! Come to get her wandering one. Little Mouse was up and hurrying down to the sound of a mother’s call. She was calling because I could see her mouth move. As she got to my leg, I could hear a faint squeak. Little Mouse got to my lap so I 2-fingered her back down to mom.
Mom had pink in her ears like her daughter, but her tail was all grey. Her feet were muddy so I could not tell if they were pink also. She had some scars on her side, and a small bite out of one ear. She was fierce protector, this mom. Mom was very upset. She flipped little mouse over and sat on her tummy! After many squeaks, whisker twitching, and head bobbing, mom took off with Little Mouse right behind her. I was chuckling with delight. I was watching them go, when mom stopped and looked back. Jesus nodded his head oh so slightly, she did the same and disappeared into the underbrush on the left of the pool.
“Even baby mice seek you out, Lord, all of us do,” I said looking into his eyes.
“Yes, all of my creation are connected to me and seek me out. Sparrows, mice, elephants and you. All are welcome any time. Come again soon, with or without messes,” he said with a smile and a quick hug.
Penny knew it was time to go, trotting up with the leash in her mouth. So out we walked, back into the squall but the rain felt good on my face, the air smelled wet and fresh. My mind was still and I was grateful, one more time.
