I was a mass, or should I say mess, of indecision. Go, not go? Believe, I’m just nuts. Try, too scared. But if I don’t, then I’ll never know for sure. God, can you help me out here? Penny too had been ambivalent most of the afternoon. Up, down. Lay down, walk around. Sleep here, then there. Inside, outside…but now, she was sure. With a bark and a full body wag she raced to the door and back to me. Then up on the wall trying to reach her leash. Over and over with the barks more insistent.
“OK, I get it you want to go for a walk. Might as well, not getting anything done here.” I clipped on the leash and out we went. She pulled me along, not her usual well-mannered heal. I pulled her back in but let her lead. “Why not, I don’t have any better idea.” She turned to the left at the street, then into the parking lot behind the house. She trotted a way in, stopped and sat down. “Huh? What’s up.” She was watching a couple complete their walk and turn in, out of sight. Just as they disappeared, she was up and looking forward.
The space appeared, seemingly as expected. All was as usual, light in the distance and Aslan and Buddy Bear waiting. Giving up or in, I walked ahead. We greeted our friends with the customary hugs, licks, nose-to-nose hellos and much wiggling and vocalizing. I was very uncomfortable and confused. Wanting to be there, and anxious about being there. Penny was having fun unclipped, so I walked on. Then she froze, gave a happy yelp, jumped up and turned around in mid-air. (Never seen that trick before.) She took off at a dead run down the path and around the corner.
Aslan came to my right, Bear to my left and we stepped out. Not to be left behind, I joined them. As we walked, I could hear the familiar frogy chorus, and the birds, bees and bugs humming away. Comforted, I relaxed some. We rounded the bend and there he was, Jesus. No mistaking that figure, I had no doubt it was Him, and abruptly I sat down in shock. “But, but….,” I stammered, “how did you get here?”
“I came to visit with you,” He said.
“Me? why”
“I made this Pond Place for you, to come to when you needed comfort, nurturing and love. This is our place to be together, and I have many surprises for you here.”
“Oh, I see,” even though I really had no clue at all. “And Aslan and Bear?”
“I know your heart.” He smiled and gestured to come. Bear helped me up as I realized I was shaking. My heart was pounding, my mouth was dry, and I was crying.
Penny had no problem whatsoever with God standing there. She raced up to him, sort of dancing and making her happy yelping. He bent down and scooped her up in his arms and she wiggled, wagged, sniffed, and licked. He chuckled and pulled his head back, and then would bury his face in her coat. Just I do and visitors to our home do. Just what she expected. He set her down and, with the hellos given and received, off she went to explore. I was still frozen in place.
“Don’t be afraid Mary Anne, come.”
I moved forward as he walked to the left of the pond to a little path I had not seen before. I followed him as it was too narrow to walk next to him. I don’t know if I could have anyway. I was just overwhelmed and unsure of what to do. Do I bow, do I call him Lord, can I touch him? How do I behave?
He stepped out into a well-tended garden of flowers. It was a riot of color and scents. Almost too much for my very sensitive in the moment, nervous system. It was stunning, and calming because there was order to it and familiar flowers. I saw roses, hollyhocks, petunias, nasturtiums, and many kinds of geraniums. It seemed so big, but as I looked across, the forest boundaried it. There were narrow footpaths winding along the beds. I followed him as he pointed out the kinds of flowers, herbs, and scrubs. I have no idea what he said. I was still numb. I did notice that he was tall, he had broad shoulders and dark brown hair that hung curling to the top of his robe. The robe was whitish, rough, and simple. He had a leather, braided belt that hung down at his side. It swayed as he walked. I could see that he had on brown leather sandals.
He stopped and I almost ran into him. He turned and sat down on a simple garden bench, gesturing me to join him. “Don’t be afraid, be at peace. Call me Jesus, and just be yourself.”
Myself? I didn’t know who myself was. He is the Lord of everything that was, is and will be. That’s a lot of everythings. How could I find myself in all of that? The tears came again, I was un-numbing. This is Jesus, my Lord and Savior. He is acting like a friend. I wanted a hug.
Bear and Aslan meandered in and lay down at our feet. Penny came busting through the brush, panting happily, and jumped into his lap. Well, OK, I thought, they seem to be fine with sitting in a garden, that I was not sure was real, with GOD! I need to recalibrate. Silently I asked for help. Jesus reached over and patted my knee. That about did me in. It felt like a real, regular pat! Not feeling like I had been touched by God, but by a friend. Sigh.
I looked up when Penny hopped down, to see rabbits coming. Hundreds of rabbits. Jack, lop-eared, Easter bunnies, white, spotted, all colors and combinations, Long and short-haired. Little babies, and big adults. Rabbits. Off to the left came the Easter Bunny and then “I’m late, I’m late” echoed as the White Rabbit dashed in and out. Then I laughed out loud as tall Harvey, the invisible white rabbit winked on and off. Penny was saying hi to all that came her way, but they were clearly on a mission to get to Jesus. He chuckled, a deep, bass kind of roar from his chest. I began to smile at all the goings on. I slipped down to the ground to get closer, and they piled all over me. Jesus came down too with the three critters and we all just enjoyed the fun. A very big jackrabbit hopped over to Aslan who lay with his head down between his front paws. The rabbit had tall pointy ears and big pancake shaped feet. It bent over Aslan’s head to look closely and then Aslan exhaled in such a way that flapped his jowls. The rabbit went almost straight in the air and leaped away. I laughed out loud. And could almost see Aslan answer with a wink.
I found myself pointing out to Jesus, “oh, look at that one,” and he would hold up one and hand it over to me. Several times our fingers touched, but it all was so easy and comfortable that most of my tension vanished. Laughing, listening to the melodies of the Pond Place, the warmth, and the joy of the rabbits, was softening the doubt. I decided there and then that I was going to accept that this was real and that I belonged here. I took a deep breath, and Jesus turned to me and smiled. “Thank you.”
Some signal was given and as quickly as they had come the rabbits scampered off into wherever they had come from. Penny stood and shook, Bear and Aslan stood and stretched. Jesus pointed down the path behind a retreating Aslan, I followed. In my head I heard, “come back soon, I’ll be waiting.” I turned and he was gone. Penny and I followed our guide out, and we headed home.
